A Tradition of Dysfunction

My life growing up was full of dysfunction. Life was more about learning from others mistakes, than about leading by example. My grandmother and mother were both pregnant by 16, and my brother and I were both expecting our first children by age 16.

I often told my kids the same thing that my mother told me, and her mother told her, "Don't make the same mistakes I did," and "If you have kids at a young age you will be setting yourself up for a lifetime of struggle." These words were coming out of my mouth, and my sons were seeing me struggle being a single mother, but I was not leading by example.

My sons would see and hear me complain about how times were hard, but they also saw me still living the life of a single, carefree woman. The life I was living had everything to do with me and nothing to do with walking with Christ.

When my son told me that he was expecting a child at the age of 15, I was livid. I yelled and screamed (the same words my mother screamed at me when I announced my pregnancy at 16) "How could you be so stupid? Didn't I tell you not to do this?" His response was, "You did it and you seemed okay."  My heart was broken, but in the tradition of dysfunction, I didn't show any emotion other than anger. The tone of my voice was as cold as ice when I gave him the same advice my mother gave me years before, "You better grow up fast, I'm not taking care of any more babies." That was it, no guidance, no support, no love from his mom.

I realize now that it was the love from his mom that he was looking for all along. The comfort, support and guidance from the first woman in his life, and I failed at the most important job that I was given. I realized that my words were not enough to show them that I loved them. My kids needed to see and feel my love, my comfort and my support, just as I needed the love of Christ to save me from my destruction. They needed a mother to show them how to walk with Christ. Instead of going to the clubs and bars, I should have been taking my children to church.

God gave me the responsibility of an under shepherd to care for the flock that He blessed me with, to love them, protect them, and lead them in the path of our heavenly Father. I am thankful for the City Union Mission this holiday season because my husband and I can finally teach our children the true meaning of Christmas. We are no longer lost souls looking for a way out; we are now children of God. We are no longer leading our children astray; we are now leading them with God as the head of our household.

(Submitted by Annathesia, a participant in the New Life Program at City Union Mission)

Marriage and Family, Repaired and Restored

My family and I walked into the Mission on June 1, 2012. On that day I was so confused and upset that life had brought us to this low of a point. Today, about 4-½ months later, I realize that the best thing for me and my family was to come to the City Union Mission and get into the NLP program. I am more at peace now then I have ever been before, and that is an amazing feeling. Until recently I would have never admitted that I needed help with anything in my life. I thought I had it all figured out. Since being here my eyes have been opened to some things that need to be changed in order for me and my family to be successful in life. Not the money, houses and cars kind of success, but “to love the Lord God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and to strengthen as we fulfill our God given goals in life” kind of success.

The most wonderful thing that happened for us at the City Union Mission is that we discovered the eternal and unconditional love of God, our heavenly Father. We see God work everyday through the staff here at the Mission. They are the most selfless, caring, and compassionate individuals that I have ever met. They have been completely dedicated to helping my family become healthy and successful. My husband and I have learned what God’s word tells us it means to be married, and by putting God first our marriage and family have been repaired and restored. The City Union Mission is truly a God run organization and they are dedicated to doing God’s business. My family and I will forever be grateful that God led us to the City Union Mission.

(Annathesia is a participant in the New Life Program at City Union Mission)

Learning to Live by Faith

Before I came to City Union Mission, my life was pretty normal… or so I thought. My time was spent one day at a time—no plans, no future goals, just me and the kids taking it one day at a time.

September 5^th, 1991, was the day I arrived in Kansas City, Missouri from Havana, Cuba. For most people, this would be a blessed event… and it was, as I came to understand it in later years. However, to a 12 year old who just found out about this trip less than a day before, it was difficult. Without realizing it, anger began to set in. Feeling alone and without friends or family, other than my parents, it was hard for a little girl who had lived with 17 family members in the same home for 12 years. I was happy there, so I thought.

Then at the age of 15, drugs came into the picture. Drugs took away some of the pain and so became my friend for years to come, but didn’t allow me to develop healthy adult life skills. Ever since I can remember, someone has taken care of me. I lived with my parents, I got married at 16, then went back to my parents, and then married again…. never on my own. In February 2005, my husband ended up in prison, and again, I moved back in with my mother. However, my mother and I both lost our jobs in the same month, leaving us both to wonder how bills would get paid.

By December 2010, we got our last eviction notice.  That very night my mother went to her friend’s house, however, the friend didn’t have enough room for me and my children. So now, I was a 30 year old woman with a drug addiction, full of rage masked by drug use and a smile, with no useful skills, feeling hopeless, sleeping in my car with my two small children on a cold December night.

To some people, this might sound weird, sad, or even strange, but coming through the Family Center’s door at City Union Mission, I felt like I had had arrived home. With warmth, welcoming, and blameless affection from staff members, I felt secure and was able to take a deep breath. The feeling of being such a terrible mother for letting this happen to my kids was leaving me. Now, my kids had a bed and food, and we were safe.

My first night at City Union Mission and my first night at chapel, I got saved. I had thought I was saved… surely going to church five times a year had done something for me. But I wasn’t. So, my first leap of faith was to learn to have faith. From that day, December 14^th, 2010, my life has not been the same.

After my first 30 days sober since 1994, I felt like I could do anything. Then, my 30 days at the Family Center were up and I moved to an old friend’s house. Before I knew it, I went back to my old ways. But the one thing about being saved is that you’ll never be the same again. Although you may get derailed, God has an overwhelming power to bring you back home. Once you know the truth, another lie just won’t do. So, after seven long months of drug use and double the shame and guilt, I began to cry one day while walking my kids to school. I did not know where this was coming from until I shared my thoughts and feelings with my mother. She told me I needed to let this shame go. I knew, at this point, there was only one way to do this.

That night at 4:30, I called the Mission, but they had no rooms available. I called back six more times before the lady at the front desk finally very nicely told me to stop calling for the day and to call back tomorrow. So, I did the one thing I learned to do – I took a leap of faith and drove to City Union Mission. It paid off. I got into the Family Shelter, and my life has not stopped changing since that day. Now I can honestly say I’ve been sober 52 days and I’m enjoying my children for what they are… a blessing. I can say I’m not who I used to be. I’m growing up now, and I am so blessed to be here. God is good!

(Submitted by Yassi, who went on to graduate from the New Life Program at City Union Mission)

From the Son of One Whose Life Was Changed

We are sharing with you a letter from the son of one of our recent graduates, Johnny Allen (see previous post).  It is lengthy, but such a tribute to what God can do in a person's life to bring positive change, healing and hope, not only to the individual, but also to their family.  We are grateful to John Allen Jr and his dad for letting us share this letter with you.

I have sat down to write this several times now.  Each time I do, I have hit the same blocks causing me to hit delete, and start again.  The funny thing is that each time I hit that button, and the new page appears, nothing that was previously there can be seen anymore.  Growing up the son of an addict/felon isn’t like that.  So many times I wish I could just hit delete, go to a blank page, and rewrite things the way that I wanted to,  As many times as I wished that could occur, there I was, the story written, unable to be changed.

My name is John Allen Jr.  You see, for so many years now, the Jr. was the most important part of my name.  Anytime someone would ask, I made sure they understood that Jr. was at the end of it.  I didn’t want to be confused with my dad, he wasn’t a good man.  He wasn’t someone I wanted to be, he was someone I was ashamed of, and someone, who at times, I wished hadn’t any longer existed.  You see, growing up the son of an addict/felon sucked.

As I struggle to write this, I look for where to even begin my story.  There were so many stages, so many key points that it is difficult to sit back and try and take it all in, from all levels.  In order to show the “Big Picture” it only makes sense to start from the beginning.

Rewind to the days of growing up, being a young kid, with nothing to do but sports, and developing a relationship with my father that has guided me along some of my own paths through life.  My dad coached every team that I played for, every sport.  He didn’t miss a shot that I took.  He never missed a rebound that I grabbed, or a ball that I hit.  My dad was the best coach I knew, one of the best coaches the town of Sedalia had a chance to have.  Even though he may not have been a genius when it came to X’s and O’s, he got the best out of every kid that we had, and there wasn’t a kid that wouldn’t run through a wall for him because he cared.  He cared about all of us.  He didn’t just care about the good players; he cared about every single kid the same.  When I was young, that’s who he was, that’s the man I remember when I tell all my stories to my kids.  The dad every kid wanted to have, I had him.  Even though I didn’t always understand or agree with the things that he told me, I mean which kid does?  I remember being out on the sidewalk, every night, me and him, as I pitched to him.  One night, after many times of being told he would never show me how to throw a curve, I had finally learned on my own.  As we went out to play, about 10 pitches in, I broke off a nasty 12 to 6’er that I had learned that day.  He calmly put his glove down, and walked inside.  Not a word was said, he just stood up, and left.  After about 10 minutes I went aside, wondering where he had gone.  He was sitting on the couch, reading the paper.  I asked him if he had forgotten what we were doing, he looked up, and told me, “throw it again, and I’ll never play catch with you again”.  I never really understood it then, but I do now.  He was so set in his ways, so stubborn, all traits that would harm us later on.  There were many stories like this, many details that defined who we were.  Gold medals at Show Me State Games, playing goalie in Kemper Arena against the Comets, All-Star game walk-offs, my first home run, my first no-hitter, my first touchdown, he was there, he was there for it all.  This is what all young boys wanted; this is what a father/son relationship was all about. 

As I look back during this time, before things changed, I think back of all the things that I had taken for granted, all the things that I wish I would have told him, maybe it could have helped, maybe it might have helped re-write the future. 

Dad, I never told you how much I loved you the way I could have.  I never told you that even though I wasn’t perfect, even though I didn’t always listen or agree with what you told me, you were my best friend.  I wish I would have told you that, I wish you knew.

On to the next stage, the stage when I began to realize that the man I thought I knew wasn’t him at all.  Coming home from school one day I arrived home and my grandmother was sitting in the street, car running, waiting.  I walked up to the car, I could see she was upset, but she wouldn’t tell me why.  I went inside to change, and as I did, I could see my dad walking by the window, suitcase in hand, as he hopped into the car with her.  I ran out the door to catch them, yelled out, but she didn’t stop, they just drove away.  I figured she just didn’t hear me, I figured maybe dad was going on a business trip, all seemed normal I guess.  A few days later I finally heard from him, he had checked into rehab.  None of it made sense to me, my dad wasn’t an addict, or at least that’s what I thought.  Back then I didn’t understand it, but it was only the beginning.

Throughout the next several years, things really began to fall apart for my dad.  Without going into too much detail, in and out of jail, in and out of prison, lies, stealing, you name it, we were living it.  You want to know what it’s like being the son of an addict/felon?  It sucks.  It sucks to write letters to a man behind bars that everyone can read and see your thoughts.  It sucks to take the woman you love to meet him, for the first time, as he wears grey prison pants and white T.  It sucks to hear “Will you accept a collect call from….”.  It sucks to lie to everyone about where their grandpa is.  It sucks to hear what people say as you walk by them in public.  It sucks to be asked your name, and then to have to clarify because they think you are him.  It sucks to see your grandma cry, because her son is gone.  Being the son of an addict/felon sucks.

Each time my dad got out, each time we were “re-unified” as a family, the hope was that we would never be left to go through the same thing again.  Each time though, it happened.  For various reasons, no matter what, it was inevitable to occur again.  I remember asking myself one time, “Why am I not enough?”  That may seem selfish, but the same question could be asked with another name inserted in the place of the word I.  Why wasn’t Kristin enough?  Why wasn’t Kimberly enough?  Why wasn’t Bud, or Katherine, or Misty, or Tyler, or Devin, or Kailei?  Why weren’t we enough to make him change his ways.

The last time we went through this was the last for me, with fair warning.  My dad knew that if he ever screwed up again, no matter the cause, we were done.  And then it happened, back he went.  I really thought that it finally sank in.  His grandkids worshipped him; I don’t know how much he realized just how much they truly worshipped him.  Finally, he was involved again, and they got to see that, and they loved it.  He was a part of my life again, but then it was gone.  When he went back in this last time I had finally done what I wanted to do all this time and didn’t have the courage to do, I shut him out.  No calls, no responses, nothing.  I finally told the kids the truth, where he had been, what he had done, there was no more hiding.  I didn’t need a father anymore, what I needed was my best friend to come back and he failed me again.  I don’t know to this day if he knew how many times I cried myself to sleep, how many times I cried to my wife wanting to know why I wasn’t enough, even then.  I put on a face of anger, one that I pretended to be ok but I missed my dad so much, I missed my friend.  I wanted to hit that delete button like I had so many times before, but didn’t.  Everything was there, in full view, I could see the whole story.  

As it got closer to time for dad to get out, still without ever communicating with him for several years, I was content in the fact that I never wanted anything to do with him and we would no longer be a part of each other’s life.  My wife and I was firm on this stance, and in no place to waiver.  Something happened though, and to this day I still don’t know what it was, but Misty had asked that we go see him when he got out.  No! I said, and that was it!  There was no pressure from her and she said it was my choice, but why the change of heart?  I still don’t know why I agreed to do it, even now.  We went to see him at his new home, and as scared as I know it was for my little girl, who hadn’t seen her grandpa in years, I was terrified.  To be honest, I wanted to hate him.  I wanted to fight him.  I wanted to hug him.  I wanted to cry to him.  I wanted to ask why.  I wanted to hurt him.  There were so many things going through me that I couldn’t explain.  The rest of that visit is private, and the talks we had will stay between us, but on that day, that day for the first time since I was playing catch in the front yard, I felt that I had my friend back.  Something seemed different than before, can’t explain it, but it did.

Since that day we have had lots of time together.  He has been around for holidays, he has seen his grandson hit his first ever home run, he has seen his granddaughter score her first basket, and he has seen his family grow, now with him a part of it.  I still get scared; I still worry about “what if”.  All I can hope is that he continues to do the things that he is supposed to do and make the best of the opportunity that he has.  There is a lot that has to be rebuilt, a lot that still has to be fixed, but he seems to be working towards those in a much better way than before.  I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t know what life will bring next with its challenges, with its issues, or with its pitfalls, and none of us do.  This place (City Union Mission) has been good for my dad and I am proud of what he has accomplished here.

I don’t emphasize the Jr. in my name as much now as I once did.  Even though the past is there and I can’t hit delete, the man that sits here tonight isn’t the same man that I was once ashamed to be the namesake of.  I’m happy to say that I’m proud of Johnny Allen, I’m proud of my dad, and I’m proud of my friend.  Being the son of an addict/felon sucks, it really does, but being your son is something that I would never, ever change. 

Congrats, and I love you.  We all do.
John Allen Jr.

CLP Commencement Interview with Johnny Allen

In coming to the commencement of their Christian Life Program (CLP) experience, staff seeks input from graduates to help us assess the program.  The following are some of the answers from Johnny, at his CLP Commencement Interview.

1.  What brought you to City Union Mission?  Why or how is it you came to be at the Farm instead of in the city?

What brought me here was a desire to completely change the way I used to live prior to my incarceration. Not wanting to be part of my old hometown (to change playmates, play things, and play grounds.) I came to the Farm through people I met while incarcerated. People who knew people who knew people. 

2.  What would your life be like without City Union Mission?

I don’t believe I would be the person I am today. I began a relationship with Jesus Christ 4 years prior to coming here and my trust in God assures me that I would have been OK somewhere else- OK would have been the best. Being here has allowed me to grow a lot more spiritually, has given me Godly people to watch & learn from. I have in a positive way experienced new skills to living a productive life, from communicating to be a good steward, finding the right church-just how to represent myself as a Godly man. I believe my life in Christ has been dramatically affected by all the positive teaching and influence of staff here.

3.  What do you like best about City Union Mission and the program(s) you’ve participated in?

           

That the staff is easily accessable. I honestly believe I could walk up to any staff member at any time and discuss any issue I needed to discuss and I also know I would get good, godly counsel in return, and brutal honestly if needed. I enjoy the small groups (Mountain Movers) and on-on-one counseling/case management where I can express my concerns and know I am being heard and concerns addressed.

4.  Do you have a family?  Tell a bit about your background, where you grew up.  Were you raised in a Christian home?  Basic life info…

I grew up in Sedalia, Mo. I was the middle child of 5.  I was raised with a God-loving Mother and Grandmother and alcoholic Dad. I got married at an early age and have 3 kids and 8 grandkids.  My marriage lasted over 20 years and I had the same job over 20 years. After my divorce in 1998, I started making some very bad choices and ended up in and out of prisons and jails.  I gave my life to Christ on February 24, 2007.  Life is now worth living again!

5.  What does City Union Mission do that no other organization was able to for you?

           

The Mission has helped me to see my failures as learning experiences and not disasters. They show mercy, grace, forgiveness and love, something I have never found elsewhere before. They have genuine concern for my success!

6.  What would not be accomplished or possible in your own life if City Union Mission did not exist?

I have had so many faith building experiences in my personal life, my personal relationships, family restoration etc. since coming to the Mission. I believe that God blesses this place and those involved with it and those who participate in Mission programs. If City Union Mission did not exist I don’t know where I would be today.  Through the teaching of God’s word here and the examples of the way staff live their lives, I have found hope that I don’t think I would have found elsewhere. Maybe I would have, I just don’t know. But I do know I found that hope here.  

7.  What are your future goals?  What does life look like for you now?

My goals are very simple - To live a Godly life, to serve others, to be part of the solution and not the problem. To give back what was given me (hope) through service, prison ministry, church outreach programs and volunteer work for City Union Mission and other rescue mission type work. To maintain a life that God approves of.

8. What has been the biggest change you've had to make?

My biggest change I had to make was depending on someone else to provide for my needs. I have always been a survivor.  I could take care of myself under any condition whether I did it legally or illegally. Today, I trust God to provide what I need and I trust the staff to guide me to a point where once again I can care for myself legally and in a Godly manner. Pride, self-centeredness and judging others are areas I have struggled to change, but I still must work on each one.

9.  Did you gain from the program what you had hoped for?  Please give examples if you can.

I've gained a whole lot more from this program than what I hoped for only because I put a very limited expectation on the program to begin with. I came here expecting only a transition back to   society and what I have received is a complete, new exciting way to live a Christ-centered life. I have formed life long friendships, gained two new church families - River Church and Abundant Life, been a part of a great ministry - Camp CUMCITO and City Union Mission as a whole; and have established partial ties to this community of Warsaw. I have been educated Biblically and socially.  I’ve learned new, very important life skills and I have gained a greater understanding of what Jesus Christ has done for me. The ideas I arrived with have now been turned into concrete plans. 

10.  In your opinion what do we do that is good and should be continued?

There is not one single thing that I have experienced here at the farm that has not led to some kind of growth as a man. I would continue every single thing that is being done now. This program changes lives and will change the life of any person willing to put forth the effort to participate and the willingness to allow God total access to his life. I feel confident of who I am in Christ Jesus today and the Opportunity Farm, Christian Life Program has guided me to regain that confidence in Christ, as well as a new confidence in myself.

Thank you so very much and God bless this place, the staff here and City Union Mission as a whole.

Watching My Son Grow in God’s Word

The New Life Program (NLP) has done so much for me, but I am writing this to share how much the program has done for my son. Milo, who just turned 9 years old, is a child being transformed into a testimony for God. Milo had no stability in his first eight years of life. My addictions led us down a path of constant change, and usually not positive ones.

We have been at City Union Mission for 9 months and I have seen my child change so much. His confidence is growing and he has opened up to share hurts from the past. He has a heart for doing right. He wants fairness for everyone he meets, and his heart breaks when he sees others hurting.

We read daily Bible stories, and he questions me when he doesn’t understand. We have been known to call a sister in Christ to make sure we are fully understanding God’s Word! I am learning right along with Milo. He recently shared with me that he feels safe and doesn’t worry about me any more. He knows that God is directing our lives now, and we will be ok. I am blessed to be able to raise Milo with God now, and I owe so much to the City Union Mission for allowing us to be a part of the program. Thank you.

(Submitted by Chris, a participant in the New Life Program at City Union Mission)

A Day Trip for the Guys at Opportunity Farm

On Good Friday, April 6, 2012, the program participants at the Mission’s Opportunity Farm in Warsaw went to Ha Ha Tonka State Park in Camdenton, Missouri for a day trip.  We wanted to share with you a few of their comments.

“It was a pretty neat place with an old burned out castle, lots of trails, springs etc. This was a good day of fellowship and seeing God’s beautiful nature, His artistic work. What a great day of relaxation and great weather. I really enjoyed the whole trip.” -- Johnny

“The trip to Ha Ha Tonka was very exceptional. The views were beautiful and we did a lot of hiking through the wilderness and had an enjoyable lunch.” -- Bill

“It was a really good time. We walked a lot and saw some beautiful nature and history. I just liked getting out and doing something different!”  -- Jorry

“I had a super fun time laughing with my fellow believers. To see God’s creation untouched by humans was tremendous.” -- Franklin

Negative vs Positive

I have had both negative and positive responses to my living in a shelter. I would be walking down the street and someone would come up to me and want to know if I had any spare change because they are hungry due to the fact they are homeless. When I would tell them I am homeless also, they looked at me like I was lying to them. I don’t dress like the stereotyped picture of being homeless. The look of homelessness is not the same as it was before.

Another incident was at my last job, I let them know I was living in a shelter and had a curfew to return to the building and the last bus from downtown left at 11:42 pm. If I missed it, I would have to walk from downtown to 13^th & Wabash. They would always let other people with cars leave early and I would have to stay. I didn’t make enough to afford a taxi home. The job was semi-part-time. I was lucky to work 24 hours in 2 weeks. They told me if I couldn’t work the venue as scheduled, maybe I should not work at all. It was a mutual separation.

For the positive reaction, it was one which came from an unexpected source. In Sept./Oct. 2010, I was hospitalized for 3 weeks due to my heart condition. During that 3 weeks, I went into cardiac arrest and died. It only took the Code Blue Team about 2 minutes to get me back. My husband and I knew the bill was going to be extremely high. A lady, by the name of Michelle Clarke, worked in the financial aid department. She came to take down some information when we told her that we lived at City Union Mission’s Family Center, she was surprised. We told her our circumstances that brought us here. She told us that she donates to the Mission several times a year, but has never met anyone that the Mission helped. We were the first and she said she was glad her donations were going for something good, that she will donate more often and get her friends and family to do the same.

We believe that from meeting her, in some way she may have helped to have my hospital bill to be paid in full, all $188,000.  Whether you get negative or positive reactions, you may want to consider the source and let God handle them.

(Lee Ann is a participant in the New Life Program at City Union Mission)

The Toy

As children we played, in all the fun we had made.

Though it be dirt, our elders thought more work.

For what you do, Heavenly Father,

thank you, for playing as my younger brother,

Grasping something out of nothing,

forming miracles into everything.

Not of a toy that we shared,

Set up and stolen on a dare.

Undisturbed area upon the earth,

all the effort of no worth.

Angry, crying to say the least,

holding my tongue, or become a beast.

Days after I believed I knew,

as a child of what eventually comes over you.

Knowing we are not yet strong,

we attempt to correct what is wrong.

Time wears and shows no pain,

as a child, our thoughts don’t gain.

Thinking back upon that time,

what was given wasn’t truly mine.

Throughout the ages, lessons learned,

hardened my heart, I should discern.

Yes, God does love me,

I know it’s never too late

to play as a child at God’s Gate.

(This poem was submitted by David Roettgen, a participant in the Christian Life Program at City Union Mission.)

My Road to Recovery

All these years my addictions have been thinking for me. Now, all that is left is the shadow of what had been controlling me. I have been down some rough roads, through hard times and I have made some unhealthy choices and mistakes along the way. I have see that mistakes are for learning, not condemnation so - to err is human - to hold on to your mistakes is a sin.

I have made a conscience choice to not live my life in shame, guilt and sorrow. I have made a choice to take action and change. Overcoming mental blocks has been a period of adjustment for me. Being sober allows me to identify triggers associated with relapse, old mind sets and the darkness that would attack me and keep me down.

I will continue to trust God in everything, not because I need Him to think for me, but because I need Him to teach me how to think for myself. 

I will continue to trust God to help me identify internal warning signs of relapse, not because I need Him to do it for me, but because I need Him to help keep me away from my old mind sets. 

I will trust God, not because I have to, but because I have discovered who I am. 

I will continue to trust God as my choice of intervention, not because I am lazy, but because my flesh is deceitful and weak. 

I will continue to trust God in all my abilities, not because I cannot do it on my own, but because of the love I have for Him, therefore I trust Him.

God will always be my source of intervention, my constructive intervention, my choice of intervention, and God implements my intervention for me.

(Written by Dawn, a participant in the New Life Program at City Union Mission)

Homeless… and Job Hunting

Looking for employment is extremely hard when you are homeless. The reality is that trying to do anything while homeless is difficult, no matter how small the task.

There are a variety of hardships that interfere with the process of job hunting while homeless. Some of these are: the shadow of depression, undeniable anxiety, tunnel vision, not having a car, not having any money, lack of a support system, overwhelming stress, an unstable mind, and no work or interview clothes.

Writing this, I am having flashbacks of pure sadness about the time when this was me. But I have a God who is bigger than my problems and has always provided for my needs. With God on your side, you always have a hope and a future!

(Lakeshia is a participant in the New Life Program at City Union Mission)

Fifteen Minutes of Fame - Past, Present, and Future

Most people at one time or another have their fifteen minutes of fame. Mine was on Friday, Jan. 13, 2012. What a day for that to happen. I was asked if I was up to an interview. I said I would be happy to do so, not knowing then what was instore for me.

I found out that the Family Center would receive a grant and Congressman Emmanuel Cleaver would be here. No pressure, right? Well, after meeting Mr. Cleaver I felt at ease. I got up along with another lady, Yaisi, and both of us told a cliff notes version of how we came to the Mission. Then came the pictures. Channel 5 News did an on-camera interview with me and a KMBZ radio DJ did an interview with both Yaisi and myself. Soon our fifteen minutes were over, but the memories will last.

Afterwards, I got to thinking about everyone all through history who experienced their fifteen minutes. For some, it lasted a short time. For others, it went on for years. Each time, it only lasted until someone else came along and took the spotlight. With 2 exceptions, all we have is a short time.

The two exceptions, I am referring to are Jesus Christ and Satan. Their fifteen minutes began before time started and will last until time ends and beyond. It is up to us to decide which side of the coin to be involved in. We can spend fifteen minutes of fame in heaven with Jesus Christ; Or, we can spend our fifteen minutes with Satan in the fires of hell.

Have you made your choice? I have. Hope to see you there!

(LeeAnn is a participant in the New Life Program at City Union Mission)

The Tiny Lighted Door

Wait, don’t go near there, it is not large enough for even a thought to pass through. Yet how is it we see a pinhole of light?

Drawn by something towards not of mere thoughts, but something foreboding, incomprehensible.

Lest we all stand here firmly planted we won’t know.

Whom is brave, daring, courageous, one without fear and a total understanding of what we face here, or within there.

Walking towards, seemingly gaining nothing not only of ground, we begin to hasten our pace realizing that our paths are no different than the speed of which shows no gain.

Resting and using what I just pondered upon, we notice the lighted object enlarged. What, why, how doesn’t answer, but in itself.

Taking another breath, visualizing this object suddenly it appears just out of reach and certainly attainable. This door recognizable now not so tiny and of immensely great light, shinning upon our surroundings, enabling us to a realization that of which is a type of moving picture.

The foreboding wasn’t that out of reach, but is that of which has always surrounded us.

Now standing, fearing what is to happen, we reach for a handle to aid in opening the door. Touching this handle is something that we all want. Our senses awakening as we firmly grasp the handle opening the door in haste, feeling our inner person leaping in joy as we sense also that something left behind, won’t be missed.

Anewness, AWE-NEW-NESS -- the very tiny door was opened, lighted, showing, guiding our way; here next to Him laid the key that was placed before our journey started and was drawn to the tiny lighted door.

(Written By David M. Roettgen,  a participant in the Christian Life Program at City Union Mission)

My Life Now Has a Direction

Before coming to the Mission, my life was spent just existing. I spent nights awake thinking about the dead-end job waiting for me in the morning. I was always angry, frustrated, and stressed out. I drank so that I could sleep, but that didn’t help very long. I had no real direction or purpose. Life was just a daily existence that I didn’t look forward to.

When my wife became ill, there were more bills than I could even think about. I drank more so I wouldn’t have to think about them, but the bills were still there. Then when I thought things couldn’t be worse, I got injured and lost my job. With more than enough experience in my line of work, I thought finding a job would be easy. I was wrong. We finally lost our housing and everything we owned.

At City Union Mission, I found a staff of great people who were more than willing to help me. I stopped drinking the day I arrived three months ago and haven’t had a drink or even wanted a drink since. The Mission staff helped me to find my way back to God and the Church. I am receiving spiritual and educational help. I have a great place to live with good people around me. Life now has a direction and a purpose. I like waking up in the morning again.

(Ken is a participant in the New Life Program at City Union Mission, along with his wife Lea Ann)

Pressing on for the Higher Goal in Christ

It has taken God’s hand upon my life to release me from my addictions. Living my life with Christ allows me to be free of my addictions. Living my life for Christ allows me to stay clean and sober. Coming here to City Union Mission has helped me to overcome the entrapment of my addictions through rest, reflection, the teachings of God, and the commitment from the staff members to help me create an intentional path towards success.

It has taken God’s other hand upon my life to keep me lifted up and having sight as I journey through my commitment to Him, not allowing others or circumstances to hinder my walk and discovery of myself. Since I have been here at the Mission and have committed my life to the New Life Program, I have learned the meaning of being valued by God. I now have the freedom to value, love, and accept myself by putting the Lord first in all I do.

People may think what they want because ultimately, God is in control of ALL THINGS! I know I have trials and tribulation ahead, and I do expect to suffer for them. Anything worth having creates a challenge to keep it. Relying on and trusting in God is essential for success in anyone's life—putting ALL negativity behind and pressing onward toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Jesus Christ.

So whoever may be reading this, please understand that God is very real, and that if God is for us, then who can be against us? All we have to do is talk to God, consistently and love Him with all our hearts. Please brothers and sisters, press on for the higher goal which is in Christ.

(Dawn is a participant in the New Life Program at City Union Mission)

God Opened a Door for My Family

Before coming to the Mission, I was a “normal Christian” with an English teaching job in Korea for seven years. God then opened the door for me to work with a missionary organization in the USA. However, that didn’t work out well, so I came to Kansas City to check out a worship music school, and I met my American husband. At the time, he was physically healthy, but after we married, he went back to an addiction problem I didn’t know he had. My parents had to help us financially for three years. My husband had started to get in lots of trouble, even jail, and I decided I had to protect my boys and myself.

So, my husband and I came to City Union Mission, as a family, with our 2 year old and 1 year old sons, to get help for my husband’s addiction. We stayed one month and then as my husband’s mother was very ill, we planned to visit her, but that didn’t work out. We had to stay in a motel for a week, with no plan, no place to go, and our money running out. So, I called a counselor who worked at the Mission and told her my situation. Through her, God opened the door for me and the boys to restart the program. Finally, my husband decided to go to the Mission Men’s Program. So now, I am working on my stuff with my two boys and my husband is working on his own recovery. God is working on us separately through City Union Mission, and we are thankful. We are looking forward to being together as a whole family.

I have been learning about communication and boundaries, which are really important for relationships in life. I knew that I needed to be changed, but honestly, I didn’t know how to do that because I grew up in a dysfunctional family in Korea. I didn’t even know what my problem was—for example, my passive-aggressive communication. I have been able to learn about myself and then try to choose the healthy way instead of running away from the problem. For example, I hate to ask and I used to stuff my feelings all the time because my parents told me to do that. But now, even though it’s not easy, I have tried to make changes using what I’ve learned through classes and counseling, His Word, and prayer.

I feel I’m so blessed to be here for this opportunity. I believe that God opened this door for my family.

(Chris B. is a participant in our New Life Program at City Union Mission)

God and City Union Mission Turned Our Life Around

At 59 and 53 years old, my husband, Ken, and I never imagined in our wildest dreams, that we would become homeless. Actually, we are houseless. We have no house, but we have a place to stay, where it is warm, inviting, and caring. That place is City Union Mission.

Since coming here in June 2011, our lives have completely turned around. It is all due to the caring staff employed here. On our own, we knew we were not, and still are not, strong enough to do what we have accomplished. We began the Mission program with the New Beginnings Covenant and then advanced to the New Life Program.

We have joined Bread of Life Outreach Ministries, and shortly afterwards, both of us were baptized. Again, something we didn’t think would ever happen. We have grown and continue to grow in Christ. He has been there for us, even through major health issues. City Union Mission Staff and housemates were there with us also. It is a great support system to have in place.

Becoming houseless/homeless was the best thing to ever happen to us. We owe everything to God for putting us here and to City Union Mission for doing what they love to do: HELPING PEOPLE!


(Lea Ann and her husband are participants in our New Life Program.)